Crossroads in life are challenging places. It seems like I’ve spent a lot of time at this particular crossroads in the last year.
After parting with my first agent, I chose to sign with another agent who had originally offered on my first manuscript. I spent some time deciding whether that was a good choice for me to make, and ultimately decided it was a chance that I needed to give myself and my manuscript. But sometimes the choices I make don’t always work out. After working through edits to another manuscript, I sent them back, and got the notice yesterday that my agent felt it was best for us to go our separate ways.
This time it was easier in some respects. Although it was painful, differences in vision are not always things that can be worked out. It’s much better to find that out earlier rather than later. Although it was painful, ultimately, I have to believe it’s for the best.
It’s another crossroads for me; another place to decide where I would like to do next. I’ve spent most of the last six months either editing, revising, or waiting, hoping that I would have a chance to move on to the next stage.
So, what now?
First, there will be a period of recovery. Even when a decision brings a measure of relief along with pain, it’s still tough. I need to work through it, remember I am strong, dedicated, and unafraid to keep working toward finding the right champion for my work. It’s pretty discouraging. I really did hope this time would be the one that would work out. It didn’t. I’m thankful to have good writing friends to lean on at this time. Writing community is really the best thing ever, and I treasure it.
Secondly, I will probably spend some time thinking and deciding what I’d like to do next. I’ve been reading through my completed series and falling deeply in love again. It’s a vision I believe in, and one I’d like to develop. I’ve found myself alternately exhilarated and terrified by what I’ve created. It’s like a powerful painting that just rocks me back on my heels because it connects to something deep in my soul that is screaming to be heard. That’s not a feeling I’m willing to ignore. But it’s also a scary one. I feel it takes great courage to be authentic, and I’ll need some time to nurture that courage before I query it again.
Thirdly, I want to take some time to do what I do best—write. Just write. Full steam ahead, playing with stories, getting to know more characters, more worlds, more magic. This is my happy spot, where I believe what I know in my heart, imagine what I barely dare to dream, and where I feel safe to be myself—my whole, weird, wonderful self—boldly and freely. What better place in the world could I be than there?
Moving forward will happen. When it’s time, I’ll find my path.